Understanding autism

If you’ve recently made an autistic friend, or have heard about someone who was diagnosed with autism, you might be curious about what it really is. There are lots of depictions of autism in films and on television, but very few of them are particularly accurate. This guide will give a brief overview of what autism looks like and how you can support friends or family members who are autistic.

What is autism? 

Autism, sometimes referred to as ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), is a developmental condition which means it begins in early childhood or as a baby. The ‘spectrum’ part refers to the fact that autism comes with a huge range of symptoms. This means you can’t make assumptions about the condition based on one person, because everyone’s experience is different. 

Don’t assume that you’ll be able to tell whether or not someone is autistic just from meeting them or talking to them. Some autistic people are non-verbal (that is, they don’t speak), or require full-time care, and many others don’t. Despite this range, there are three basic categories that define how autism works.
 

Cognitive differences

Autistic people process information differently. There are tons of different ways this can show up, including:

• developing intense interests in certain topics
• difficulty planning or following steps to undertake tasks (this is called executive dysfunction)
• a tendency towards binary or black-and-white thinking (like thinking of things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’)
• a need for routine and difficulty dealing with change
• ways of learning tasks and information that just doesn’t match up with the usual teaching techniques 
   

Sensory differences

Autistic people take in sensory information (information about the world gathered via your senses) differently, often to one extreme or another - either getting easily overwhelmed by sensory information, or hardly seeming to notice it. Have you ever been in an exam and noticed that all you can hear is the clock ticking, or someone tapping their pen? Getting overwhelmed by sensory information is a bit like that.

Autistic people sometimes do something called ‘stimming’ - in fact, almost everyone does it sometimes. Basically, it’s when you move in the same way over and over again… think of jiggling your leg during a boring class, or playing with a fidget spinner. When autistic people stim, it’s occasionally a louder or larger physical gesture than what you might be used to seeing – like rocking back and forth, humming, or flapping their hands – but it’s the same basic idea. Autistic people use stimming to help regulate their emotions and cope in challenging situations.

When autistic people get overwhelmed, they might have a meltdown, or shut down. A meltdown can involve yelling, crying, or losing control of their emotions, while a shutdown is more or less the opposite, and someone might find they can’t even talk or move. It’s an exhausting and upsetting experience, and it’s so important to be present to support a friend having a meltdown, whether it’s with a hug, a glass of water, or just giving them some space alone if they’d prefer. 
 

Communication differences 

Some autistic people are totally non-verbal. Not talking doesn’t mean not communicating, though; some autistic people prefer to communicate by typing or using sign language. 

Autistic people sometimes struggle with non-verbal communication and subtext, which are the ways allistic people (non-autistic people) convey meaning beyond just our words. It’s the way we indicate that we’re being sarcastic, or that we’re joking. Autistic people can find it hard to read these nuances, and often take words at face value. They also have trouble guessing unspoken rules that allistic people just tend to pick up over the course of their lives but people never really explain - things like how to take turns in conversations, or what types of clothes to wear in certain situations. You also might notice that your autistic friends don’t make eye contact when they talk to you. 

It’s impossible to know in advance which of these things will apply to somebody’s experience of autism, so again, don’t make assumptions. 
 

Supporting autistic people in your life 

You’ll sometimes hear the phrase ‘people with autism’ instead of ‘autistic.’ According to the National Autistic Society, ‘autistic’ is the term most autistic people prefer –  but if the topic comes up with someone in your life, just ask.

In fact, asking your friends about their preferences and paying attention to their individual needs is going to be more helpful than any list. There are so many stereotypes about autism, and even lots of the behaviours on this list might not apply to your friend’s life. So it can help to remind yourself to simply be a friend: listen when your friend is upset, help them out with things you notice them struggling with, and don’t think you know better than them about their own life. 

That said, there are a few things that are helpful to keep in mind if you want to be supportive of your autistic friends. 

• Learn about autism directly. This guide might give you a headstart, but one of the things autism advocates consider most important is that autistic people are allowed to speak for themselves. There are resources at the bottom of this guide, but you can also search for blogs, memoirs, and novels written by autistic people (try Lizzie Huxley-Jones’ Stim or Rachael Lucas’s State of Grace). Check out the hashtags #AskingAutistics and #ActuallyAutistic on social media.
   
• Don’t treat your autistic friends like a Wikipedia article. Respect their privacy around their experience of autism; they don’t have to explain things if they don’t want to.
   
• Don’t make assumptions and take things personally. If an autistic friend doesn’t dress the right way for an event, interrupts you while you’re talking, or won’t make eye contact, don’t assume they’re doing it to be rude – they almost certainly aren’t!
   
• Respect your friends. Don’t let learning about their autism make you think they need your help all the time, or aren’t capable of managing their own lives.
   
• Continue to educate yourself and help to educate others so that the burden isn’t always on your autistic friend to explain things.
   
• Just communicate! Ask your autistic friends how you can help and support them - just like you would with any of your friends.
   

Good stuff from elsewhere